Had a bad few days this week, mainly money stresses, accentuated by lack of contact from Afghan Boy. The horrid thing about Facebook is that I can see when he has been online and when he has read my messages. When I see this my brain goes into overdrive assuming he is ignoring me. As he pointed out the other day, however, 7000 people on one router does not make for speedy internet, or consistent internet. Then I think that maybe he is lying to me and that actually he just doesn’t want to speak to me…….I have given him ample opportunity to confirm this and as yet am still waiting for this confirmation. Is this because he genuinely isn’t ignoring me, or is it because he is just too nice to do so? We are only “friends” for now as he is 3616 (yeah I looked it up!) miles away and will be for another 100 days.
I shall continue to assume the worst and hope for the best… Someone said to me the other day that you should always ask the universe for what you want and it will come. If you expect the crap then the crap will come! Always keep a positive outlook on everything and the good will shine through. Maybe this is where happiness lies? Maybe this is where I am going wrong, and I should be looking inwardly for happiness and not at the world around me? I can see the idea behind this thinking but it doesn’t quite sit comfortably with me. I think to achieve happiness your surroundings need to be right too, surely? At least if I do expect the worst it won’t come as a surprise and/or disappointment that the worst happened!
Money is always an issue for me. Always has been and sadly always probably will. My father is always telling me to live within my means, I try!!!! But I’m a manic depressive and I want friends, sadly this comes at a price. I am destined to always be poor, so I better be rich in other things I suppose.
Had a social event on Wednesday after Netball, ooooo I hear you thinking, a social event? I know right, I never have social events! I went for drinks at a friend’s house later on, which was nice. I even resisted the urge to facebook Afghan Boy, high five me! It would have only been drunken drivvle about how much I missed him, awkward!! He is yet to say that he misses me, I was drunk and said,
“I’ve said to you that I miss you, you don’t seem to be able to say that you miss me too!!! Arrrrrrrrgggggffhhhhh” he replied with…
“Haha sorry you know I do, it makes things a lot harder for me when i start thinking about missing everyone back home, I know it’s hard for you too” I can understand this statement, but actions do speak louder than words, then again he can’t really do a lot from where he is…
Anyway, I felt a bit ropey the next morning, which was not ideal as I was in meetings most of the morning, and attempting to be smiley in hot weather when all you want to do is chunder is hard!!
Apart from that a quiet week feeling sorry for myself and researching Fluoxetine. The only bit of information I have retained is that is also known as Prozac…not something I knew before! I intend on writing an entry dedicated to it next week, sorry people!!!
“Pesky Ex” has obvs been busy with other women as apart from an initial burst of interest, on Wednesday, in coming over he has not been in touch. This should be a good thing.
I’m spending the weekend with my Mummy; a weekend in the sun pottering around is just what I need! Adios xx